yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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