ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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