My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
