Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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