Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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