I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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