Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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