We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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