My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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