He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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