So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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