The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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