Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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