I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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