Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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