Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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