I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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