I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize