I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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