Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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