Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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