She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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