why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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