So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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