From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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