the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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