she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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