I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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