I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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