I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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