john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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