I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
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Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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