His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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