Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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