I can text with my tongue
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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