I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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