Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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