I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize