fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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