so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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