I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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