I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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