she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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