Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize