So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize