i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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