You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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