just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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