Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
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First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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