I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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